Saturday, February 18, 2006

Making Babies

Don't avert your eyes. There is nothing wrong with this picture, and the baby is likely well and completely normal.

I have been making babies this month. Well, making them in the sense that I go into a room with one person, and come out with two= magic/making babies. Even as a physician I was a little shocked at how gross the little suckers can be at first. This is just a one month rotation in OB-GYN to learn me some baby delivering and problems pregnant mothers have, so when they come to the ER I will know what the hell to do with them. It has been pretty fun, and with every delivery, just before I cut the umbilical cord I yell, "And I deem you worthy of the name... TRAVIS!", then hand the baby to mother. So far, I have delivered 8 babies, and none of them are named Travis. I might be doing it wrong, but you would think it would work once in a while. Anyway, I won't be changing specialties.

Of importance to many of my readers, I came across an interesting tidbit. The usual progression is mother goes into labor, at some point her "membranes" rupture, (this is the amniotic sac the baby is in that you can see in the picture), and eventually baby delivers. Well, there is an alternate version where the amniotic sac doesn't rupture and the baby is born still inside the sac, referred to as being 'born in the caul'. Apparently, children born this way are revered in some cultures, thought to have special/magical powers and also are thought to be unable to drown. Being a caul baby was an excellent resume for becoming a sailor, and some mothers would keep the caul and sell them to sailors as powerful enchantments. SO, I would try hard to have any babies you plan to make being born 'en caul', as this is the only current way I know to enchant humans with the power of resistance to drowning.


muncher said...

I hate breeders.

brando said...

There are other magical powers that are more powerful and easier to get. I just don't know what they are.

Speaking of cauls. In some cultures it is a great practical joke to sneak up behind someone, and quickly slip a caul over his head. As they choke out , you just yell "PWNED!" That seems to be a crowd pleaser.

Travis said...

'i hate breeders'

-me too for the most part. i mean, most of the people breeding most of the babies 1. Don't know how to raise kids/be good parents/make productive members of society and 2. really shouldn't have the right to breed anyway.

i really think there should be an application and test for this whole reproduction thing. i know this has been said before, but we have to take a test to get a driver's license, why not for something as important as making humans?

Paul said...

fuck. i was gonna make a gruesome caul joke too.

maybe something like:

"i heard that mothers who have just given birth think it's really funny if the doctor wears the caul on his head like a hat and pretends not to notice."

brando said...

I was thinking a lot about the word "caul" today. It sounds exactly like "call", and people use it a lot in everyday speech. But when they say it, I only think "caul". Let's try it.

Random person says: "Give me a call tomorrow."

My response: "Yuck, where am I supposed to get one of those?"

*or perhaps*

Random person says: "I just caul 'em how I see 'em."

I respond: "That's a verb too?! Yikes! I'm not sure what activity that is, but I am sure that I don't want you to do it to me."

*Or at a football game*
RP: "That ref made a really bad caul."
Me: "Barf"

Paul said...

"cauliflower is my favorite food"

Travis said...

Did you guys ever request Caul Fire?

It's weird that in the military they often have bugle caul's. Kind of gross.

Paul said...


caul for fire.

is that like oil for food?

its where you have poor indian mothers turn in their used up cauls for sterno.

this is a gross comment thread.

Paul said...

ps: don't forget about

- mail caul
- head caul
- police caul
- adjutant's caul

Anonymous said...

Something about this reminds me of a joke involving a dumpster and an erection.