Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Will the real David Skorton please stand up?


Just in, The University of Iowa hired Todd Lickliter of Butler to be the next men's basketball coach, or did they? Rewind. Curiously, he looks strangely like former University of Iowa Cardiologist and University President David Skorton. Coincidence? I think not. Is Todd Lickliter really leaving Butler? Well, there is no spoon.

It has been Skorton all along. Skorton the Cardiologist. Skorton the University of Iowa President. Skorton the Cornell University President. Skorton the Butler Basketball Coach. But even him, the mastermind of deception couldn't pull off the big one. He couldn't pull off being a cardiologist, a president of a Big Ten University and the Iowa Men's Basketball Coach all at once. But, he's wiley. Welcome Todd Lickliter, born unto Skorton's ultimate dream, coaching the Iowa Hawkeye Basketball team. So he does the simplest thing. The thing so obvious that we would all miss it. K.I.S.S. Keep it Simple Stupid. He created Todd Lickliter, began coaching Butler to build a basketball resume, and then conveniently took the Cornell President job. Skorton, now out of sight, out of mind.

Several people have information suggesting Skorton may have cut a deal with Bowlsby before he left to ensure Alford's departure, but this is merely speculation, unlike the facts I present.

Now, "Lickliter", successful basketball coach with resume, gets hired as The University of Iowa Basketball coach. LOOK again, look at the pictures. Another pre-arranged deal with Bowlsby and/or Barta? Chances are yes. My bets are President "Skorton" reitres in the next few days from Cornell University. Well, we do have to consider other possibilities. Maybe there is no SKORTON, and Lickliter is the mastermind. However, no matter who is the chicken, or who is the egg, they ultimately are one, and they, I mean he, is the NEW University of Iowa Basketball Coach.

I will leave you with this, which really summarizes my findings:
"entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem",
or, if you can't read pig-latin:
"All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one."

12 comments:

cyberninja said...

I...uh...what?

taylor said...

I also think Skorton may have an additional personality in Venezuela selling coffee. Or maybe I am getting him confused with Juan Valdez.

Travis said...

Finkel is Einhorn

Todd said...

Lickliter also kind of looks like the Dad from American Pie.

Mary said...

Those two guys don't look anything alike. What happened to Alford? I don't really get all the news on this side of the continent.

cullen said...

I see what you're trying to say, butthis is really where I'm coming from.

Travis said...

Dammitt Mary. I always think 2 people look alike and Nicole doesn't think so either. It must be a difference in the Y chromosome, or I just am not very good at that game. Well, don't you think Lickliter kinda looks like the dad from American Pie?

Soooo, the Alford thing. Well, 8 seasons, ONE NCAA tourney win, multiple off court player problems and transfers, (including one prison sentence), and a continued arrogant attitude in the community from Alford had dropped Iowa Basketball popularity to a all time low. People had quit going to games, but Iowa owed so much on Alford's contract they couldn't really fire him. Thankfully, he left for New Mexico,and we got Lickliter, who I think everyone is pretty excited about.

Travis said...

Cullen, I loved the guitar nintendo tunes.

cyberninja said...

Goddammit Travis, his name is Eugene Levy! And that coach guy doesn't look anything like him, in my opinion.

Marklar said...

Of course they don't look EXACTLY alike. Skorton/Lickliter is smart. He's not going to do this without some clever disguise. I think that this theory has a great deal of merit. But, even if it turns out to be false, I don't care... As long as Lickliter isn't Alford in disguise, we're better off.

Marklar said...

Of course they don't look EXACTLY alike. Skorton/Lickliter is smart. He's not going to do this without some clever disguise. I think that this theory has a great deal of merit. But, even if it turns out to be false, I don't care... As long as Lickliter isn't Alford in disguise, we're better off.

Tony said...

It's killing me that I can't identify what game the first part of the nintendo song is from. Cory is going to be so disappointed in me. I remember the music so well but I just don't remember the game.